Having had my investigation last Friday and today being Monday I have been to my GP and he has given me the name of a surgeon with whom he works closely.
So I rang, not very hopeful of getting any kind of answer near 5 pm but bingo! Got the secretary, got an appointment and will be seeing Dr Baker next Tuesday in the afternoon.
Dr Baker is not a baker, he is a surgeon. Dr Nappy is a gastro man in Besançon and my gynaecologist is called Mrs Dildo - you couldn't make it up.
The only slight disappointment is that I won't be in Dijon, I will be in Vesoul, which is equally far from home but where I know nobody so my colleagues won't be able to visit.
But then I will only be there for five days ....... so they tell me. No worries!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Perspective
There is a really good audio diary on You and Yours on BBC Radio 4 on Thursday from a fellow Bippy.
He said something that made me sit up - we suffer, like everyone else, from regrets, those nasty, all-consuming regrets that hit you about 4am. Not necessarily guilt - we very often have NO idea if things are our fault or not, so assume they are even when other people are being totally unreasonable. According to the Great Dr W, that is one of the things on which I have to work - standing back and accepting that just sometimes, things are other people's fault and not mine.
These regrets hit us harder and more often than other non-Bippies. We lie awake wanting to put the pillow over our face and die ........ which is counter-productive as we can't undo the situation and quite probably it is something that a non-Bippy would just dismiss as "oh dear, how sad, never mind"
It takes us much longer to get a handle of perspective on these events or situations. And I have just got one on a couple of things that have been bugging me for a while - it is the Wizard of Oz syndrome - is that all it is? Is that really what I was soooooooooooo upset about? Ye gods, how stupid is that?
Feels good.
He said something that made me sit up - we suffer, like everyone else, from regrets, those nasty, all-consuming regrets that hit you about 4am. Not necessarily guilt - we very often have NO idea if things are our fault or not, so assume they are even when other people are being totally unreasonable. According to the Great Dr W, that is one of the things on which I have to work - standing back and accepting that just sometimes, things are other people's fault and not mine.
These regrets hit us harder and more often than other non-Bippies. We lie awake wanting to put the pillow over our face and die ........ which is counter-productive as we can't undo the situation and quite probably it is something that a non-Bippy would just dismiss as "oh dear, how sad, never mind"
It takes us much longer to get a handle of perspective on these events or situations. And I have just got one on a couple of things that have been bugging me for a while - it is the Wizard of Oz syndrome - is that all it is? Is that really what I was soooooooooooo upset about? Ye gods, how stupid is that?
Feels good.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Dressing up - really
That's what it is. People call it "re-enactment" because they are ashamed of enjoying such a childish thing as dressing up and playing let's pretend.
I know this because we got invited to a "re-enactment" weekend. This particular group were cowboys but I can imagine that the experience would have been the same no matter whether they were mediaeval, Civil War (British or American) or World War II (we have a lot of those in France which is a bit weird considering all you have to do is walk around with your hands up .... so the French dress up as Americans and get to be heroic - talk about reversing history!)
So here is a bit of advice for anyone invited to this kind of thing.
a) Don't expect too much. These people get off on dressing up. Once they have done that, they are finished. It's rather like a fancy dress party - once you get over the giggling at each others' costumes, it's just another party.
b) Don't take advice from the Group Geek - it gets expensive. We made that mistake and I ended up spending a lot of time and money researching authentic costumes for us - it was just before the "DO" when he said to me "of course your buttons must be made of wood" that alarm bells began ringing in my head and I said "You, of course, make your own" knowing he would say he did.
c) If at all possible use stuff you already have or go to the expense of hiring something - it will be cheaper in the long run than ending up with what I have - an outfit in my wardrobe that will never be used again, skirt, jacket, snood, blouse, boots, the lot. I am unlikely to go to work as a lady of the 1860s Americas ..... work it out for yourself.
d) Take something to amuse yourself - Sudoku, crosswords, anything to distract you from a bunch of people stalking around talking to each other in a ridiculous manner (what they imagine to be the correct way of speaking for the time involved - even if they don't speak the correct language - imagine cowboy American with a heavy French accent ....... yes, doesn't bear thinking about, does it?)
e) Remember that they are really getting off on this and don't laugh. No matter how contradictory their behaviour - and it can get quite bizarre - you are in their little dream and rather than giggle helplessly when they apply 21st century manners to another era, excuse yourself and leave. I disgraced myself completely by snorting drink down my nose when a "cowboy" curled his lip at someone eating with their fingers .......... time to go.
Better still - thank them profusely and find a reason NOT to attend. Far safer that way. Then you can listen enthralled when they tell you what a wonderful weekend you missed - and thank your lucky stars you weren't there!
I know this because we got invited to a "re-enactment" weekend. This particular group were cowboys but I can imagine that the experience would have been the same no matter whether they were mediaeval, Civil War (British or American) or World War II (we have a lot of those in France which is a bit weird considering all you have to do is walk around with your hands up .... so the French dress up as Americans and get to be heroic - talk about reversing history!)
So here is a bit of advice for anyone invited to this kind of thing.
a) Don't expect too much. These people get off on dressing up. Once they have done that, they are finished. It's rather like a fancy dress party - once you get over the giggling at each others' costumes, it's just another party.
b) Don't take advice from the Group Geek - it gets expensive. We made that mistake and I ended up spending a lot of time and money researching authentic costumes for us - it was just before the "DO" when he said to me "of course your buttons must be made of wood" that alarm bells began ringing in my head and I said "You, of course, make your own" knowing he would say he did.
c) If at all possible use stuff you already have or go to the expense of hiring something - it will be cheaper in the long run than ending up with what I have - an outfit in my wardrobe that will never be used again, skirt, jacket, snood, blouse, boots, the lot. I am unlikely to go to work as a lady of the 1860s Americas ..... work it out for yourself.
d) Take something to amuse yourself - Sudoku, crosswords, anything to distract you from a bunch of people stalking around talking to each other in a ridiculous manner (what they imagine to be the correct way of speaking for the time involved - even if they don't speak the correct language - imagine cowboy American with a heavy French accent ....... yes, doesn't bear thinking about, does it?)
e) Remember that they are really getting off on this and don't laugh. No matter how contradictory their behaviour - and it can get quite bizarre - you are in their little dream and rather than giggle helplessly when they apply 21st century manners to another era, excuse yourself and leave. I disgraced myself completely by snorting drink down my nose when a "cowboy" curled his lip at someone eating with their fingers .......... time to go.
Better still - thank them profusely and find a reason NOT to attend. Far safer that way. Then you can listen enthralled when they tell you what a wonderful weekend you missed - and thank your lucky stars you weren't there!
Friday, November 20, 2009
All over for now
Well that was every bit as bad as I remembered it.
This time the gas and air combined with "a machine that goes beep" made me think I was in a submarine film. Interesting because, due to being with the Old Feller, I was trying to go "No, that's all wrong, sonar doesn't make that ping ping noise" but with the mask over my face I said "Mwfl wfl mmwh"
And the results? Well apparently my colon is riddled with holes and it is going to be necessary to take out the entire left colon which is, if not routine, then a not-unusual operation these days.
The specialist said that it wasn't urgent, any time in the next month would do .... I am still not sure if that was a joke. I now have to go to my GP for him to recommend me to a surgeon.
And on Tuesday next I have to go to Vesoul to see the Social Security doctor - all go innit?
This time the gas and air combined with "a machine that goes beep" made me think I was in a submarine film. Interesting because, due to being with the Old Feller, I was trying to go "No, that's all wrong, sonar doesn't make that ping ping noise" but with the mask over my face I said "Mwfl wfl mmwh"
And the results? Well apparently my colon is riddled with holes and it is going to be necessary to take out the entire left colon which is, if not routine, then a not-unusual operation these days.
The specialist said that it wasn't urgent, any time in the next month would do .... I am still not sure if that was a joke. I now have to go to my GP for him to recommend me to a surgeon.
And on Tuesday next I have to go to Vesoul to see the Social Security doctor - all go innit?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
All revved up and nowhere to go
As Meatloaf put it.
Woke up at 5 am because the Old Feller was doing his "Old Yeller" impression in his sleep - as easy to ignore as a car alarm!
So I am up, doing a few odd jobs I missed yesterday, waxing my legs, burying my witchbottle in the garden (-hah! Try hexing me NOW ye buggers!) drinking Red Bush tea with no milk.
Not allowed anything this morning to keep my gut clear so poor Dr Nappy can see where he is going when he puts his camera up there - not a job I'd like to do on a regular basis. But if I am lucky, when we finish the nurses will take me off to a side room where I can expel all the air that's been pumped into me and have some breakfast. Not all doom and gloom
The last time I had a colloscopy, I seem to remember that under the influence of gas ans air I had everyone in fits making a running commentary like a Formula One motor car race "And he's coming tight into this bend, slow down, slow down, he's going to crash into the side wall, oooooooooooooooh nooooooooooooooooh " and eventually Dr Nappy had to stop for a minute to get his breath back
Woke up at 5 am because the Old Feller was doing his "Old Yeller" impression in his sleep - as easy to ignore as a car alarm!
So I am up, doing a few odd jobs I missed yesterday, waxing my legs, burying my witchbottle in the garden (-hah! Try hexing me NOW ye buggers!) drinking Red Bush tea with no milk.
Not allowed anything this morning to keep my gut clear so poor Dr Nappy can see where he is going when he puts his camera up there - not a job I'd like to do on a regular basis. But if I am lucky, when we finish the nurses will take me off to a side room where I can expel all the air that's been pumped into me and have some breakfast. Not all doom and gloom
The last time I had a colloscopy, I seem to remember that under the influence of gas ans air I had everyone in fits making a running commentary like a Formula One motor car race "And he's coming tight into this bend, slow down, slow down, he's going to crash into the side wall, oooooooooooooooh nooooooooooooooooh " and eventually Dr Nappy had to stop for a minute to get his breath back
Clean out day
Not been in here much - but today is the day I have to take the chemicals to prepare for the colloscopy tomorrow morning.
If I am very lucky I will get the investigation done wide awake in the local hospital but if not, I will have to go to Besançon and go under gen. anaesth.
And once we know how much intestine is badly damaged and needs to come out, then we can go ahead with organising this in Dijon. Can't be soon enough for me. I have my new nightie made that opens up the left sleeve with velcro (for ease of living with a drip - stop giggling, I mean the saline variety, not personal)
I have my bag packed with loads of craftwork and books, sudoku and crystals.
Concentrating on what I will really enjoy once I have a whole gut again (something I haven't had for years!) and the list kind of goes - nuts, fruit, vegetables, dried fruit, cake with nuts, cake with dried fruit, cereal especially muesli, ice cream with bits in it, jam with fruit lumps, the odd granary roll or slice of bread (apparently nobody should be eating wholemeal bread ALL the time, according to the dieticien at the hospital) ............
And having some energy and not being in pain.
Incidentally - anyone I haven't told - Radio 4 You and Yours ....... audio diary of a Bipolar - listen to it. That guy has the same as me - and does the same things, and suffers the same consequences. Heart breaking.
If I am very lucky I will get the investigation done wide awake in the local hospital but if not, I will have to go to Besançon and go under gen. anaesth.
And once we know how much intestine is badly damaged and needs to come out, then we can go ahead with organising this in Dijon. Can't be soon enough for me. I have my new nightie made that opens up the left sleeve with velcro (for ease of living with a drip - stop giggling, I mean the saline variety, not personal)
I have my bag packed with loads of craftwork and books, sudoku and crystals.
Concentrating on what I will really enjoy once I have a whole gut again (something I haven't had for years!) and the list kind of goes - nuts, fruit, vegetables, dried fruit, cake with nuts, cake with dried fruit, cereal especially muesli, ice cream with bits in it, jam with fruit lumps, the odd granary roll or slice of bread (apparently nobody should be eating wholemeal bread ALL the time, according to the dieticien at the hospital) ............
And having some energy and not being in pain.
Incidentally - anyone I haven't told - Radio 4 You and Yours ....... audio diary of a Bipolar - listen to it. That guy has the same as me - and does the same things, and suffers the same consequences. Heart breaking.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Miss most
So we have accepted that I am going in for major surgery .......... again. I really do seem to specialise in being opened up - I am thinking of asking them to insert a zip this time to make life easier if they need to do it again.
The things I am going to miss most? Well just one - my riding. I started on ponies when I was two. I know - it was a thing in our family - you got stuck on an equine before you could walk properly.
I spent most of my young life on a horse and only stopped because I had to do my exams and think about a career that didn't involve stables.
I went back to riding several times but my break of twenty years that has only just been stopped, is the longest time I have been away from horses in my entire life. So now I am back into it all, I am really really really pissed off that I will have to stop.
I haven't been riding for over a fortnight and if my calculations are correct, I won't be back on a horse again this side of February. This gives me plenty of time to forget all the Western stuff I have learned ................ just when I was making spectacular progress.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh phooey! And just when I was going to get myself some decent boots for Yule.
At least I won't have to miss Tonto, my motorbike - he is laid up for the winter because I wouldn't be riding him in this weather anyway.
The things I am going to miss most? Well just one - my riding. I started on ponies when I was two. I know - it was a thing in our family - you got stuck on an equine before you could walk properly.
I spent most of my young life on a horse and only stopped because I had to do my exams and think about a career that didn't involve stables.
I went back to riding several times but my break of twenty years that has only just been stopped, is the longest time I have been away from horses in my entire life. So now I am back into it all, I am really really really pissed off that I will have to stop.
I haven't been riding for over a fortnight and if my calculations are correct, I won't be back on a horse again this side of February. This gives me plenty of time to forget all the Western stuff I have learned ................ just when I was making spectacular progress.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh phooey! And just when I was going to get myself some decent boots for Yule.
At least I won't have to miss Tonto, my motorbike - he is laid up for the winter because I wouldn't be riding him in this weather anyway.
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